GAIJIN ENTERTAINMENT COMMITTEE

I wrote this on October 22, 2005.

I am on the official GAIJIN (foreigner) ENTERTAINMENT COMMITTEE in Japan.
Please read the below anecdotes for examples of my finest work.

1: I made participation cards for my jr. high students. They have a grid of squares that need to be filled with the stickers I pass out. Once they're full they can get a prize from me. There are various free squares with silly pictures on them. At the bottom, after the final square, is a picture of poop with a face, sitting on a toilet, saying "You did it!" The "You did it!" part was a stroke of brilliance.
No one had noticed my subversive humor until Yuri in the jr. high 3rd grade (9th grade) looked at the paper closely. She asked the teacher what it was. I suddenly realized that I had been found out! I started laughing so hard that tears were running down my face. I was trying to control myself which just made it worse. I really lost it when the teacher asked me "Is this ice cream or...something else?" I could barely choke out the words "something else"! I ended up going in the hallway, because I couldn't get myself under control.
Mind you, this teacher has a little clay squat toilet with clay poop on his desk, so I wasn't too concerned in that sense. It was just so funny that someone kinda figured out what I had put on the paper.


2: My apartment building has outdoor hallways. I tend to go out into the hallway in my pajamas, because my friend Karly lives just next door.
This morning I had beadhead and I was wearing blue pajamas (with a baggy butt) that have a pattern of surfing Xmas penguins on them. I went into the hallway to knock on Karly's door. She wasn't answering, and I suddenly realized that I was being laughed at by the Japanese construction workers across the street. I ran right back into my apartment, feeling kinda sheepish. I suppose I would have laughed at me, too.

3: I also have, at various times, knocked over a number of garbage cans, knocked over hot tea, had a swarm of ants eating stale crackers out of my backpack in the teachers' room, attempted to order food at a drive-thru window (a terrifying experience actually), and stared at waitresses and shop clerks in wide-eyed terror when I haven't understood what they've asked me . I imagine that I have also said a number of inappropriate things in Japanese and offended a number of my coworkers and superiors.
If you visit me in Japan, you can become an honorary member of the the Gaijin Entertainment Committee.