My Journeys

I wrote this on January 15, 2006.

So, I'm back in Japan after spending 2 weeks in Michigan. It feels quite nice to be in my quiet, little apartment.
I went for a walk in the rain yesterday. On one hand I felt a little lonely, but on the other hand it was nice to be breathing fresh air and just letting my thoughts wander.
It is a strange realization that twice in my life I have ended up in a small, mountain village in a foreign land. In September of 1995 I arrived in Rotterode, a village of 500 people in the Thuringian Forest of central Germany. In August of 2005 I arrived in Ouchiyama, a village of 1600 people in the mountains of Mie prefecture, Japan.
My experiences have been quite different though. Both have involved culture shock, feeling out of place, and struggling to make myself understood in a foreign language. However, after 4 months in Germany and Japan I ended up in two very different places emotionally.
By December of 1995 I had cried buckets; written long, desperate letters home; drank myself to sleep inside my closet; chain-smoked cigarettes, because I knew it was self-destructive; considered throwing myself out a window so that they would send me home; moved to a new host family where I was also unhappy; been yelled at and mocked by schoolmates until I ran away from the schoolyard; skipped school, so I could sit crying on park benches; and contemplated hitting old Hausfraus on the head with glass coke bottles, because I had so much pent-up anger. On December 26th, 1995, I returned to Michigan, determined to stay there for a good long time, and leaving my exchange program 6 months early.
By December of 2005 I have been stared at almost everywhere I go; talked about; laughed at; felt like a zoo animal; but I have also met a lot of nice, welcoming people, as well as my elementary and jr. high school students who I am very fond of; I received a "happy birthday" letter from almost all of my students at Nishiki jr. high after my birthday; I have had 3 welcome parties; and I have been visited at home by my village's policeman, who was just checking to make sure that everything was going all right for me. On December 26, 2005 I went back to Michigan, just for a visit, and was ready to return at the end of the two weeks. That's not to say that I'm not full of a lot of emotions, or that I don't miss my family and friends in America. When I was in Michigan, I realized that I don't have a home there. My home is in Japan, at least for the time being. I like my little apartment, and my quiet, slow-paced life. It has been good for me to make a new start; to set off on a new adventure.
Towards the end of my walk yesterday I realized that there was a gorgeous rainbow in the sky. One end started behind a mountain, and the other end landed between 2 more mountains. I felt such a sense of happiness and peace when I saw it. I excitedly called my neighbor to tell her to look outside. She tried, but apparently, it wasn't visible from our apartments. She said, "I guess it's a rainbow just for you." I felt even happier then, as if it really were a rainbow just for me. That rainbow was like a reminder that everything was going to be alright.